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The list of possibilities

July 13, 2017

When you have aches and pains, especially as you get holder, you think, “well, I’m just getting older.” Occasionally I’ll get up in the morning and stretch like a big grizzly bear that’s been hibernating for months, and I kid you not, next thing I know, I’m wincing in pain from pulling a muscle.
But when you are a cancer survivor, sometimes those aches and pains, that aren’t explainable, can cause you go to the other list of possibilities..

I can tell you though with sincere honesty, its not the first place I go to. I’m very active, I walk 3-4 miles, 3-4 times a week. I take 4 mile+ hikes, I ride bikes, I rearrange entire rooms of furniture, I clean floors, I climb onto the roof, you get the picture. So when I have aches and pains, there’s usually a good reason. But when it doesn’t go away, and I feel like I’ve exhausted all the possibilities, then I go there…”what if my cancer is back, or even worse what if it has metastasized? Its a terrifying prospect, but it is a possibility.

Metastasize is when the cancer that you had, decides to hide in another area of your body and when you least expect it, likes to jump out and scare the hell out of you.  Like a surprise party after you’ve been cleaning toilets and haven’t had a shower in 2 days.

I know a few people that have had multiple cancer diagnosis. I do not know many that have survived very long with metastatic cancer. It always makes me cringe when I hear, “this is the 3rd time for me” of 4th or 5th. It just feels unreasonably unfair. Then I’m reminded of what unfair really is. Unfair is Christ on the cross, for sins he never committed, unfair is the separation from God he endured for my sake, unfair is all that He bore, so I wouldn’t have to.

So whats a survivor to do? For me, I run to the word. I am constantly redirecting my thoughts towards what the word says. Phil 4:6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything with prayer and supplication make your requests known to God. Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you;  do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. And one of my favorites, Phil 4:8  Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. This verse will not allow me to consider the “what if’s”. It will not allow me to stay in a depressed state, it will not let my thoughts crush my spirit, especially when I don’t have all the answers yet. All of these verses help to calm me, to clear my mind, to trust in my Father who wants the best for me and to open my heart and soul to deep prayer, deep conversation, and deep pleading, with my Heavenly Father.

The list of possibilities can be scary.  They can also be an opportunity, to love God and in peace, faith and stillness, to trust his plan for my life.


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