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Mother’s & Daughters

August 27, 2018

I long for the mother/daughter relationship of lifetime movies and TLC shows. You know, the ones with lines like, “My mom is my best friend!”, “My daughter invites me to everything!” But that is not always my reality. My daughter and I each have our own lives, friends, jobs, spouses, responsibilities, etc and we like it that way. However, I always want her to need me, and even more, want me in her life.

She called me last week and was overly stressed out (rightfully so) after dropping off her 4 month month old baby at day care for the first time and finding it under-staffed and unorganized. Sobbing she expressed her frustration and shared the myriad of conversations and interactions she had with the Director of the day care, ad nauseam. My daughter is very analytical, she is very much like me, her mother. Sometimes I teasingly compare us to cows, you know how they have multiple stomachs and will chew their food for awhile, swallow it, bring it back up and do it again, over and over? That’s kind of what she and I  do with the things that are bothering us. After listening for what I perceived to be a reasonable and patient amount of time, and giving a number of well thought out suggestions, I said, “I’m not sure what you want me to do about it, you keep repeating the same things over and over and I feel like you expect me to have a new answer or to fix it and I really don’t know what else to do or say.” Mother of the year award! Crushed it! Not! I could tell she was slightly annoyed, maybe even hurt,. I wasn’t trying to be unkind I just truly didn’t know what else to say or do,  but shutting up and continuing to listen would’ve been the wiser choice.

A few days later on Facebook, I saw that she had tagged me in a post, hurriedly I scrolled through my account, certain it was the latest in a series of adorable photos of one of my grandchildren, but it was not. It was a photo though, of a Disney type mother and daughter, it read,

“Did you know?
Talking to your mother , has the same effect as a hug and can help reduce stress levels. The sound of her voice release oxytocin and is a great stress reliever.”

Below that, she had written, ” this is why I keep calling you to say the same thing over and over.” Ugh, I was crushed and quickly responded,  “From the bottom of my heart I hope and and pray that you never ever stop doing that. I’m sorry if I made you think for a moment that I didn’t want to be there for any conversation you want or need to have with me. I love you!” To which, she simply replied, “I know” followed by 3 hearts.

End scene! Just like the Lifetime movies, we had resolved our conflict. Her message to me on Facebook was both humbling and reassuring that my daughter not only needs me in her life, but wants me there too!

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